What if you saw your addiction in a different light?
What if, instead of believing the lies the world feeds you, that you were somehow a failure or a junkie or a lush or a slut … what if instead, you flipped the script?
You never intended to fall into addiction.
You never intended to hurt other people.
You never intended to cause harm.
What you probably intended was to feel better by any means necessary, to numb some pain that only you know the depths of.
Instead of joining them in their criticism and judgment of you, remember your original intention, before you fell into addiction. You just wanted to feel better. And at its root, that is not something to be ashamed of, to judge yourself for. That’s actually the instinct of a living being trying to care for itself.
The choices you made in active addiction weren’t healthy, weren’t wise. But maybe, if you flip the script, you can see that your addiction was not caused by immorality or badness or weakness. At its root, it was born out of misguided self-care.
So next time you get angry at yourself for the addiction, the relapses, the lost relationships, the hurt people, the broken laws, the regrets, have some compassion for yourself instead. Remember that none of that was your intention; you were doing the best you could in trying to make yourself feel less pain, the way you’d want anyone you love to feel less pain.
So, flip the script that’s been running in your head. You are not bad or weak. You were simply trying to care for yourself the best way you knew how at that time.
And now that you know how to care for yourself better, you can try to do better.
Anitra Lahiri 