There are moments in life — maybe after heartbreak or loss, maybe when we inadvertently implode our life, or even just in the quiet of early morning light — when we feel a little (or a lot) disconnected from the life we want to be living.
Maybe we’ve outgrown an old version of ourselves, or maybe we’ve survived something unexpected. Whatever it is, we’re sitting in murky waters, wondering if we’re finally ready to get our s*** together — and begin again.
But it’s so hard to know where to start. I know, because I was there too.
Wherever you are: You can recreate your life. You can shape it gently, as you want, like warm clay in your hands.
Here are the three most important steps I took to start digging myself out of rock bottom back in 2019. These are simple but remarkably grounding, and I come back to them over and over again in my own journey of healing and manifesting a life rooted in peace and joy:
1. Mind Your Self-Talk
That voice in your head? That’s the energy your future grows in.
The way we speak to ourselves creates the foundation for everything in our lives. Yes, everything.
If that inner voice is critical and negative or full of shame, your life won’t feel safe to blossom the way you so want it to.
When you’re recreating your life, your inner dialogue becomes your compass. And if that compass is always saying, “You’re not doing enough,” or “You’re a failure,” etc., you’ll continue to end up lost. We want to gently turn that compass dial toward kindness, no matter what.
Strategies to soften your self-talk:
- Name your inner critic. It may sound ridiculous, but it really helps a lot of people. Give your inner tyrant a non-threatening name. My husband calls his T-Rex. Mine is H-Bomb. Just name it something. This tiny, seemingly silly act adds distance. It gives you the opportunity to separate yourself from it, so that you can observe it rather than automatically believe it … “Oh there goes H-Bomb again, ripping me to shreds.” It helps you see that the voice is not you, and it is not reality.
- Talk to yourself like you would a child or dear friend. Would you scold a 5-year-old for needing rest or reassurance? Probably (hopefully!) not. Would you tell a 3-year-old they’re stupid or failing just because they messed up? Nooooo. Would you tell your best friend she’s ugly? Nope. So why abuse yourself? Speak to yourself with the same tenderness you’d speak to a little kid or good friend.
- If you struggle to go from critical to complimentary, that’s ok and normal. Just soften your inner critic a little bit. See what it’s like to go from, “I suck,” to, “I am trying to do the best I can.”
That inner voice doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be more on your side than it is now.
2. Gratitude Literally Changes the Frequency
If your self-talk is the soil, then I guess that makes gratitude the sunlight. It lifts you. It expands your capacity to receive. It raises the emotional ceiling.
But I’m not talking about writing down three random things a day and calling it a practice (although that’s a good start). What really makes a massive difference in your life is taking a moment, however brief, of savoring. Of letting the sweetness of what is move through you. And really seeing and appreciating it.
The way the sunlight hits your cat’s eyes.
That first sip of coffee or tea in the morning.
Your grandmom’s voice, even as a memory.
The way your sweatshirt feels on a cold day.
You get the idea …
Ways to weave real gratitude into your daily life:
- Whisper or think, “thank you” before your feet hit the floor in the morning.
- Choose one moment a day to mentally rewind and say, “That moment was beautiful.”
- Keep a gratitude jar or notebook and write small notes as often as you can or when your heart feels full, and then read them back regularly, especially on hard days.
- Pair gratitude with breath. On an inhale: “I receive.” On an exhale: “Thank you.”
The more we notice what is working, the more we attract more of what works. That’s not magic — it’s a shift in perception that truly creates entirely new possibilities. I know because I’ve tried it during the darkest, most depressive moments … and it saved me.
3. Just One Kind Act a Day … Toward Yourself
Most of us are raised to put ourselves last, to think that loving on ourselves is selfish. But that is entirely, utterly upside down.
We have to train ourselves that being good to ourselves is necessary to creating the life we want, not selfish.
Self-care isn’t a checklist. It’s a devotion. It’s an act of saying, “I’m worth tending to.”
When you’re recreating your life, you can’t fix everything at once. So choose just one form of self-care a day. Just one. Until it becomes easy. Then add a second. Until that becomes easy. Then more.
Here are some powerful options you can do just once during the day:
- Eat food mindfully. Eat slowly, really taste it, and say thank you to your body.
- Create a sleep ritual. Massage your feet (with oil if you can), and take three deep breaths as you get in bed.
- Speak your truth in a journal. Even five minutes. Let it be imperfect. Let it be real.
- Move your body in a way that feels good. Yoga, a barefoot walk on grass, swaying to a song in your kitchen while you cook. Let your body know it is loved just for a few minutes.
- Set boundaries that honor your energy. Say no when you don’t want to. Say no when it’s a no. This is a wildly impactful self-care act, and it gets easier the more you do it.
The life you want isn’t something far away. It begins the moment you start treating yourself like someone who is worth tending to.
Speak to yourself with love.
See your life with grateful eyes.
And care for yourself as if you are precious — because you are.
This is how we begin again.
With so much love,
Anitra
Anitra Lahiri 